Stuttgart keeper Jens Lehmann added another chapter in his catalogue of bizarre behaviour by going to the toilet behind his goal while the ball was still in play.

Although im not convinced that was quite the type of exposure the advertisers were hoping for when they paid for that hoarding.

Lehmann even has enough time to shake before racing back onto the pitch to get his angles right to close down a Unirea Urziceni attack.

Perhaps an evening of staring at a team whose name is partially an anagram of urine got a bit too much for Jens.

1) I want to kick things off with a right old ding-dong between former Arsenal midfielder, Ray Parlour, and Spanish football expert Guillem Balague. Here's the two of them doing battle over whether the Premier League or La Liga is better in one of those completely pointless debates usually reserved for the pub.



2)Now that's enough of the verbal battle, let's move on to the battle on the pitch. The challenge you are about to see isn't very festive but the snowballs that are being thrown at the manager halfway through the clip is a little more festive.



3)Remember the days when we all used to ask eachother how many keepy-uppies we could all do? But we never used to ask eachother how many we done whilst blindfolded. That's because none of us tried it. Here's Tim Cahill, Theo Walcott and Ronaldinho giving it a go.

Wooooooo! Par-tay! Real Madrid held their annual Christmas dinner along with the Real Madrid basketball team and all the club’s senior executives and as you can see, things got pretty crazy.

Iker Casillas may or may not be asleep with his eyes open, Guti is clearly dying of boredom/thankful Sergio Ramos is too far away to grab his arse, and Sergio Ramos is probably on a phone sex hotline. While wearing a fancy butler’s outfit.

You’ll be happy to know that at least two members of the team have clearly already gotten their Christmas wishes this year…

Cristiano and Kaka sitting together. Together forever . Although, it looks like Cristiano is doing a little flirting while Kaka has his head turned.

1) Here is a clip from Brazil. This goalkeeper has to be given a lot of respet after acting so graciouslly to missing out on a award he was clearlly expecting to win.



2)Ok. Wayne Rooney may play in a red shirt for Manchester United and be a hero to most young kids. But that doesn't give him an excuse to think that he is superman. Shame on you Wayne!


Rooney La Plongeuse - The most popular videos are here

3)What is it with goalkeepers and horrendous tackles. Here is yet another video of a goalkeeper almost taking the head off the poor player. The latest to perform the stunt is CFR Cluj goalkeeper Nuno Claro



4)It's not only the goalkeepers who are taking part in these crazy stunts. The outfield players are starting to have a go. Ouch!



5) Don't we all love Fanzone on SkySports. Here are two fat blokes having a right go at eachother during the Manchester Derby.

1) Once again it's Jeff and the boys taking the pee!



2)Hearts captain Michael Stewart makes a complete prat out of himself after kicking out at air, and then landingon his arse. Idiot!



3)Luckily for Stewart, Tomasz Kuszczak was also doing his best to be named most-foolish-looking player of the week.



4)Unfortunatly for Manchester United target, Edin Dzeko, he was on the recieving end of a terrible tackle. Ouch!


Wolfsburg Vs Nürnberg 2-3-Karate Foul an Dzeko...21.11.09 - The funniest bloopers are right here

5)I'm going to finish today with a video of Lionel Messi showing off his skills at the age of......five.......amazing

Some fans take relegation well, with a shrug of the shoulders or a few tears. Not in South America though, where relegation can be greeted with a carnival of violence.

This was the case in Brazil on Sunday, when Coritiba kind of ‘welcomed’ or 'unwelcomed' Fluminense to the Estadio Couto Pereira. The teams drew 1-1, a result that was good enough to save the relegation-threatened visitors but – you guessed it – also consign Coritiba to the second tier of Brazilian football.


So you can understand why Coritiba’s fans were a teensy bit upset with the way things worked out, especially as two Rio-based clubs – Botafago and Fluminense – survived. And by a little bit upset, I mean this:






That’s right, a good old-fashioned South American pitch invasion, which left one policeman unconscious, needing to be airlifted from the stadium by helicopter.

When the dust settles, it will be interesting to see what punishment is meted out to Coritiba for its fans despicable behaviour. In England, this sort of thing might see a club being demoted two divisions, rather than one, but mental pitch invasions seem to be rather more the norm in Brazil.


At the other end of the table, it’s only fair I mention new champions Flamengo, who won their first title in 17 years after a 2-1 win over Gremio. Congrats. Btw, Gremio’s fans will be delighted to have lost that game, as it meant bitter rivals Internacional missed out on the title.


Although this is a very serious situation, there is still time to laugh in many parts of this video so please don't be ashamed to do so.

Jeff Stelling and the gang have a bit of a giggle at this reporter who can’t quite decide whether Celtic striker Andreas Hinkel is not going to pass up a chance or not going to miss it.

In the end he settles for something somewhere in between.

Watch out for the great play on words from Sir Jeff. Genius.




I have no idea what Paul Merson is laughing at. He’s got a very short term memory!

Remember this

I'm sure you all remember Dinamo Zagreb's Ilija Sivonjic. If not, then let me jog your short term memories.

I have previously written about Sivonjic before as he was the player who missed an open goal from three inches out. Remember him now.........Yep thought so.

Well it's time to forget about him and remember the next donkey who holds the title of 'Worst Miss Ever'.

Let me introduce Rocky Baptise.

I’m sure you all know that I'm not the most prolific goalscorer in the world but I’d like to think even I would have slotted this without too much trouble… !!!

Wow. I mean, WOW!

Take a bow, Rocky, you are now a non-league hero who just earned himself cult status for life.

The incredible miss occurred during Harrow’s recent game against Waltham Abbey (Harrow won 5-3).

Wow.

1) Here is a hillarious video which has been put together by talksport radio. Watch, laugh and enjoy.



2) Although this video is four years old. Is still manages to draw up a few laughs. Well done Carlsberg.



3)Don't we all just love the beautiful and accurate English language that Paul Merson provides us with every Saturday afternoon.



4)Here is an outrageous moment from Spain. During half-time in the game between the useless Xerez and the magnificant Barcelona a big, fat guy wobbled onto the pitch, scored a goal and bagged himself 480,000 Euros. Simple



5)Here is a British guy known has Mike at a football match. Apparently he is a legend in Kentucky, USA. So let's just see what all the fuss is about? Take it away Mike!

A stray cat invaded the pitch during a Croatian top flight match between Sibenik and Medjimurje Cakovec, much to the delight of cat loving football fans and fluff piece news reporters everywhere.

Medjimurje goalkeeper Ivan Banovic picked up the delightfully out of place kitty in the 20th minute of the match and carried it over to a hole in the fence that appears to border a wooded area, which, as we all know, is the natural habitat for a house pet.

This cuddly story had a not so feel good end, though, as the referee booked Banovic for leaving the pitch without permission during his attempt at a good deed. This did not please the fans, however, and I’m going to assume the referee was later attacked by a pack of rabid, feral cats as he read the evening paper.

Hats off to fans of Argentine side Rosario Central as they visited Newell’s Old Boys at the Colosso. No more of this “Hey, let’s pelt the players with rocks and garbage,” because what does that accomplish, really?

In fact, the sheer determination of Central’s fans to both enter the stadium and cause havoc is deserving of some kind of award. And jail time.

In an an effort to limit incidents, Central fans were alloted just 3500 tickets by Old Boys officials. The visitors reacted as any smart fan would. They simply photocopied someone else’s ticket and turned up thinking nothing could possibly go wrong.When the fans were denied entry they started to cause havoc, to which police responded in the manner that cops around the world absolutely live for.

They began clubbing the fake-ticket-wielding Central fans. Twenty had been hospitalized and 50 arrested when police finally got bored with the beatings.

Inside the stadium, there was a delay as Central fans took to the barbed wire separating them from the pitch. First off, shouldn’t it give someone the chance to realise that they have to be kept from players and pitch by barbed wire? If you’re a South American soccer fan, the answer is a resounding “No.”

So as to make sure their lack of self-awareness is so complete, Central fans climbed the barbed wire fence. After Central captain Sebastian Peratta pleaded with the fans to get off the fence (and after the police threatened to fire hose the lot of them) the fans relaxed their bloody grips and the game started… 20 minutes late, which is probably routine for a South American derby match.

That’s when the fun started for the away fans. First they threw insults at Old Boys keeper Sebastian Peratta. That met with limited success, so they threw a pair of sunglasses at him. Peratta played along and donned the glasses.

Next, Central fans threw a mobile phone at him. Have to admit, no matter how angry I’ve been at a sporting event it’s never occurred to me “Hey, I’m going to throw technology at that b*****d".

Finally, the away supporters just threw a knife at Peratta. Figure flares and debris have never really drawn blood, so this was only a matter of time. Although it’s also kind of stupid, in that, if you’re going to throw a knife, throw it at a position player. They can’t use their hands.

Incidentally, the match ended in a 2-2 draw.

I really hope Bradford's Gareth Evans can sleep at night after his disgraceful act of cruelty last weekend.

Bradford were awarded a penalty and Evans stepped up to extend his side's lead and to send the Bradford supporters home happy.

However it didn't turn out the way everyone hoped especially for one unfortunate fan.

This poor, young, and loyal Bradford supporter put every ounce of faith in Evans putting the penalty away and so the young boy rushed to the front of the stand to get a closer look at his penalty....Big Mistake.

Evans blasted the ball wide of the goal and straight into the young boy's chops, who was sent flying by the wayward effort.

Roy Keane’s latest press conference proved to be rich pickings for the journos in attendance. Not only was he very outspoken in his criticism of the Republic of Ireland’s protests over Thierry Henry's handball, he also took the opportunity to petrify some of the hacks.

Poor Jurgen Sierens. The Roeselare keeper stopped a long-range shot from Anderlecht’s Moroccan midfielder Mbark Boussoufa, but then lost the ball. Sierens attempted to locate said spherical object with a 360 degree spin. Which was successful in that he found the ball, but unsuccessful in that he swept into his own net. Anderlecht won the game 3-1.

Here’s a question for you though. Is this Belgian goalkeeper blunder funnier with original commentary or with Benny Hill music.

Original Commentary



Benny Hill Music



For myself, original commentary wins every time. Funny music is the YouTube football equivalent of canned laughter on a sitcom, and I like to laugh when I find something funny, not when someone cues me to do so. Just saying.

A friendly between Brazilian clubs Paysandu and Cameta turned not so friendly (see what I did there?) when defender Carlos Eduardo decided to play a little prank on the linesman.

When you think of a professional footballer’s mode of transportation to a match, you probably conjure images of pimped-out limousines with built-in hot tubs, strippers and maybe even a personal pizza chef.

Well, for footballers in the United States (who aren’t David Beckham) it’s not like that. They take taxis driven by heart attack victims.

Two weeks ago, New England Revolution striker, and US national team member when no one else is available, Taylor Twellman hopped in a taxi with his brother on route to his side’s MLS playoff match against the Chicago Fire. As the cab began to slow down for a red light at an intersection, things went all kinds of wrong.

Twellman said: “All of a sudden I see the guy tilt his head back, make a real awkward noise, and his right hand goes to his face. I yelled to my brother, ‘Get out of the car! Get out of the car!’ So we jumped out of the moving car and – by some miracle – the car doesn’t hit anything or anyone except a wall. And we are in one busy intersection.”

Oh, the car only hit a wall? That’s good. I mean, I’m sure that felt nice for the guy in the driver’s seat who just suffered a heart attack.

The Twellman brothers stayed with the driver until medical personnel arrived and ended up getting a police escort to the game, which New England lost 2-0, knocking them out of the playoffs on a 3-2 aggregate score.

Bad day for Taylor, worse day for that taxi driver.

The tabloids went crazy over Robin van Persie’s ankle injury. At first, I thought he was dead, or worse, out for the season.



On Sunday the odious Mail delivered its lead sports story, with the headline:“HORROR INJURY FOR VAN PERSIE!”



So horrible was the injury that the back page featured the player clutching his ankle. The ’story’ was bigger even than England’s game against Brazil and England’s rugby union players’ dreary grind against Argentina at Twickers.



And on Monday, The Sun featured the news on its lead sports page:“Wenger torn to pieces… Arsenal’s star striker could be out for the ENTIRE season.”



But then, as if by magic, Van Persie rose again…



In the Daily Express, the news was not so terribly, terribly awful:“Robin Van Persie was ruled out for up to three months.”



That’s more like it, nervous Gooners thought, but still – three months is probably enough to f**k up our title chances.



Then in the Mail, which one day on from that talk of a “broken ankle” and “horror injury” hears Van Persie say:“I will be out for four to six weeks.”



Tomorrow, expect Van Persie to be announced fit for Arsenal’s next game.

Now this is just fantastic and has certainly made my Tuesday afternoon.

This is going to be the strangest, most ridiculous football rule you will see in your lives, so prepare yourself.

Second division club Portimonense won their Carlsberg Cup (Portugal’s league cup) first group phase by simply substituting in a 19-year-old goalkeeper to give them the youngest average age.