Artur Boruc's Monday Rage List
AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY LAST WEEK:
1. THE WORLD CUP DRAW — AAAHHHHHHH IT TOOK FOREVER!!!!!!!! I ACTUALLY HAD TIME TO KICK MYSELF IN THE HEAD SLIP INTO A COMA AND THEN WAKE UP AND EAT A BRICK OF CHARCOAL ALL BEFORE THEY FINISHED EXPLAINING THE STUPID RULES!!!!!! CHARLIZE THERON LOOKED PRETTY HOT THOUGH!!!!!
2. THE WORLD CUP DRAW PART II — SINCE I COULDN’T GO TO THE WORLD CUP DRAW BECAUSE POLAND DIDN’T QUALIFY I DECIDED TO HAVE MY OWN DRAW!!!!!!! INSTEAD OF PICKING BALLS OUT OF POTS TO DECIDE WHICH NATIONS ARE GROUPED TOGETHER I AM PICKING KNIVES OUT OF A DEEP FRYER TO DECIDE WHAT I THROW AT MY NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE TODAY!!!!! IT’S REALLY A MUCH BETTER SYSTEM!!!!!!
3. CORN — DO YOU KNOW WHAT CAUSES GROUPS OF DEATH AT THE WORLD CUP?!?! CORN!!!!! THAT’S WHAT!!!! GIANT EARS OF CORN DO THEIR VOODOO ON THE BALLS AND ARRANGE THEM IN AN EVIL MANNER!!!!!!! THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT!!!!!!
4. ARSHAVIN’S DEPRESSION — STOP BEING SAD ABOUT MISSING THE WORLD CUP YOU FREAKY LITTLE MUNCHKIN!!!!! YOU DON’T SEE ME MOPING AROUND LIKE A GOOBER BECAUSE POLAND DIDN’T MAKE IT!!!!! JUST VENT YOUR EMOTIONS THROUGH RANDOM ACTS OF BIZARRE VIOLENCE CARRIED OUT ON STREET SIGNS AND PUBLIC TOILETS!!!!!!!
5. JOAN LAPORTA’S EL CLASICO FIESTA — THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PROPERLY CELEBRATE A BIG WIN!!!!!! WHERE ARE THE FLAMETHROWERS AND MARTINI GLASSES FULL OF PAINT THINNER?!?!?!?
6. LUCA TONI’S CALENDAR — AHHHHHHH IT’S SO AWESOME!!!!! BUT IT ANGERS ME BECAUSE I CAN’T LIVE INSIDE IT!!!!! AHHHH I WANT TO LIVE INSIDE THAT CALENDAR!!!!!! TAKE ME WITH YOU LUCA!!!!!!!
7. GROUP OF DEATH — EVERYONE IS SAYING THAT BRAZIL NORTH KOREA THE IVORY COAST AND PORTUGAL ARE THE GROUP OF DEATH BUT I STRONGLY DISAGREE!!!!!! A TRUE GROUP OF DEATH WOULD INCLUDE A GUILLOTINE RAT POISON AND SEVERAL VENEREAL DISEASES!!!!!!! AHHHHH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!!!
8. GOALKEEPER HEAD KICK — GOALKEEPERS SHOULD NOT KICK THEIR OPPONENTS IN THE HEAD!!!!! UNLESS THEY REALLY REALLY WANT TO AND THEN IT’S OK!!!!!!
9. MY UNSPEAKABLY AWFUL NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI — SO I WAS TRYING TO WATCH THE NINE HOUR WORLD CUP DRAW WITHOUT SWALLOWING MY OWN TONGUE WHEN MY PHONE RANG!!!!!! IT WAS DAN AND HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I FOUND HIS DAUGHTER’S DOLL ON MY LAWN!!!!!!! I SCREAMED INTO THE PHONE AND THEN I SAID “NO I HAVEN’T SEEN IT!!!!” EVEN THOUGH I RAN IT OVER SEVERAL TIMES WITH THE LAWNMOWER YESTERDAY!!!!!! HE SAID SHE WASN’T UPSET THAT IT WAS MISSING BUT HE WAS BECAUSE HE JUST BOUGHT IT AND IT WASN’T CHEAP!!!!!! THEN I SAID “AHHHHHH I REALLY DON’T CARE!!!!” AND I HUNG UP BUT I ALREADY MISSED THE DRAW TO DECIDE WHAT DAY ITALY AND NEW ZEALAND PLAY EACH OTHER!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I WISH I COULD MOW DAN’S HEAD WHILE HE SLEEPS!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
1. THE WORLD CUP DRAW — AAAHHHHHHH IT TOOK FOREVER!!!!!!!! I ACTUALLY HAD TIME TO KICK MYSELF IN THE HEAD SLIP INTO A COMA AND THEN WAKE UP AND EAT A BRICK OF CHARCOAL ALL BEFORE THEY FINISHED EXPLAINING THE STUPID RULES!!!!!! CHARLIZE THERON LOOKED PRETTY HOT THOUGH!!!!!
2. THE WORLD CUP DRAW PART II — SINCE I COULDN’T GO TO THE WORLD CUP DRAW BECAUSE POLAND DIDN’T QUALIFY I DECIDED TO HAVE MY OWN DRAW!!!!!!! INSTEAD OF PICKING BALLS OUT OF POTS TO DECIDE WHICH NATIONS ARE GROUPED TOGETHER I AM PICKING KNIVES OUT OF A DEEP FRYER TO DECIDE WHAT I THROW AT MY NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE TODAY!!!!! IT’S REALLY A MUCH BETTER SYSTEM!!!!!!
3. CORN — DO YOU KNOW WHAT CAUSES GROUPS OF DEATH AT THE WORLD CUP?!?! CORN!!!!! THAT’S WHAT!!!! GIANT EARS OF CORN DO THEIR VOODOO ON THE BALLS AND ARRANGE THEM IN AN EVIL MANNER!!!!!!! THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT!!!!!!
4. ARSHAVIN’S DEPRESSION — STOP BEING SAD ABOUT MISSING THE WORLD CUP YOU FREAKY LITTLE MUNCHKIN!!!!! YOU DON’T SEE ME MOPING AROUND LIKE A GOOBER BECAUSE POLAND DIDN’T MAKE IT!!!!! JUST VENT YOUR EMOTIONS THROUGH RANDOM ACTS OF BIZARRE VIOLENCE CARRIED OUT ON STREET SIGNS AND PUBLIC TOILETS!!!!!!!
5. JOAN LAPORTA’S EL CLASICO FIESTA — THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PROPERLY CELEBRATE A BIG WIN!!!!!! WHERE ARE THE FLAMETHROWERS AND MARTINI GLASSES FULL OF PAINT THINNER?!?!?!?
6. LUCA TONI’S CALENDAR — AHHHHHHH IT’S SO AWESOME!!!!! BUT IT ANGERS ME BECAUSE I CAN’T LIVE INSIDE IT!!!!! AHHHH I WANT TO LIVE INSIDE THAT CALENDAR!!!!!! TAKE ME WITH YOU LUCA!!!!!!!
7. GROUP OF DEATH — EVERYONE IS SAYING THAT BRAZIL NORTH KOREA THE IVORY COAST AND PORTUGAL ARE THE GROUP OF DEATH BUT I STRONGLY DISAGREE!!!!!! A TRUE GROUP OF DEATH WOULD INCLUDE A GUILLOTINE RAT POISON AND SEVERAL VENEREAL DISEASES!!!!!!! AHHHHH THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!!!
8. GOALKEEPER HEAD KICK — GOALKEEPERS SHOULD NOT KICK THEIR OPPONENTS IN THE HEAD!!!!! UNLESS THEY REALLY REALLY WANT TO AND THEN IT’S OK!!!!!!
9. MY UNSPEAKABLY AWFUL NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI — SO I WAS TRYING TO WATCH THE NINE HOUR WORLD CUP DRAW WITHOUT SWALLOWING MY OWN TONGUE WHEN MY PHONE RANG!!!!!! IT WAS DAN AND HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I FOUND HIS DAUGHTER’S DOLL ON MY LAWN!!!!!!! I SCREAMED INTO THE PHONE AND THEN I SAID “NO I HAVEN’T SEEN IT!!!!” EVEN THOUGH I RAN IT OVER SEVERAL TIMES WITH THE LAWNMOWER YESTERDAY!!!!!! HE SAID SHE WASN’T UPSET THAT IT WAS MISSING BUT HE WAS BECAUSE HE JUST BOUGHT IT AND IT WASN’T CHEAP!!!!!! THEN I SAID “AHHHHHH I REALLY DON’T CARE!!!!” AND I HUNG UP BUT I ALREADY MISSED THE DRAW TO DECIDE WHAT DAY ITALY AND NEW ZEALAND PLAY EACH OTHER!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I WISH I COULD MOW DAN’S HEAD WHILE HE SLEEPS!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
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